Understanding the meaning behind this sentence isn’t hard. Lately, I’ve been hearing—and for years have heard—a misconception that I now feel compelled to address.
This idea is, unfortunately, very common in my region, especially among my family. Understanding how it formed and how it leads people to ruin is a matter worthy of academic discussion.
Don’t assume it’s a trivial matter. Beliefs like this are the foundation of the collapse of entire societies.
You wouldn’t recognize a grape tainted bit by bit after a month. The same way, a society’s morals erode gradually and fall apart. You can’t see it happening, because it unfolds step by step. And by the time you notice, it’s already too late.
My first experiences with this go back to my childhood. In school, at home, in the neighborhood, among relatives, and in many other areas, I interacted with people and observed countless lives firsthand. I learned the difference between good and bad—and soon after, the difference between rich and poor.
My family wasn’t poor because of others; they were poor because of themselves. Call it fate or bad luck if you want, but before you can fail, you have to try—you have to take a step. Saying “this is just my fate” without making any effort is a cowardly excuse used by minds that are too afraid to act.
I was surrounded by people who made poor choices their whole lives, who didn’t even claim what was rightfully theirs, who mistreated themselves, and who refused to take a single step toward improving their circumstances.
If only they had joined forces… started a project together… today, I and many others could be living in far better conditions. But their ignorance and greed left them too pitiful to understand what’s right—or even to care.
Since I can remember, I’ve searched for a way to change my life. I failed, and failed again, and again. But each time, I stood up more experienced, more confident. I looked at the phone in my hand and thought, “With this miraculous device, I can do something and completely change my life!” Maybe I still haven’t succeeded, but even if I don’t, I’ll be able to say with pride, “I did everything I could.”
But what about the others? I’m certain they act cowardly even when they dream. When they imagine themselves in a better situation, they think they don’t deserve it. That makes them truly pathetic. Maybe that’s exactly what they deserve.
Now, in 2025, I’m turning 23. Poverty has been the biggest burden on my shoulders for years. It’s what put me in such hard situations, what made me so dependent on others. Maybe there were plenty of ways out, but I couldn’t see them. As a child, I kept thinking, “Something should’ve been done for me before I had to do anything myself.” Before long, I realized that no matter what I thought, it wouldn’t make a difference.
I had to achieve something myself—without expecting anything from anyone. From no one and nothing.
I don’t know if I have many more words left to say, but no matter how much I write, I can’t shake the feeling that I’m not expressing my emotions fully. This isn’t about blaming others; quite the opposite—these are truths that exist without the need for a different past.
Truths so harsh, most hearts can’t accept them—but they’re as unchangeable as my name. I’m sure nothing will change. In fact, I’m sure society will rot even more with time and end up in places no one could ever imagine. My hope is that by then, I’ll have saved myself.
This is my struggle not to be the crushed ant between fighting elephants.
I don’t want to keep saying “at least,” but life leaves me no choice. I want to transition into my true body and build a life. In America… But can I go to America without transitioning first? Should I postpone my American dream? I think these are the two questions I most desperately want answered. I know I have to postpone my American dream. At least for now, my fate doesn’t seem to be pointing that way. Maybe, if God surprises me—maybe this year? I don’t know.
On this path, I will tear down every wall that needs to fall and break every heart that needs breaking. Maybe I should write a separate blog just about that.
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