It was December 1, 2024—the very days I bought my phone, which was my only helper during the 1.5 years I spent launching and managing my blog and YouTube channel. So why December 1, 2024? I was on a two-week vacation at my cousin’s house, and I had actually bought the phone there. December 1 was the day I returned home, and as soon as I lay down in bed that night, I looked out the window and saw a light. There was an orange light on the ground floor of a building across the street that seemed like it would never be demolished. I was very surprised because I had seen this exact moment in a dream before. I was constantly experiencing things like this, but I wanted to take a photo of it.
Two weeks ago, that light went out completely. Over the course of 1.5 years, that building was demolished and a new one was built in its place, but the light was still on; I went on vacation to my village and when I returned, it was still on; on my way there, I had boarded a plane for the first time in my life; the passion to become a pilot inside me had soared to the heavens, and later a job related to airplanes came my way—I worked for about a week and when I returned, it was still on, I had a huge fight with my best friend and cut him out of my life, yet that light was still burning; I made another friend with the same name, and months later, I suddenly cut him out of my life too, yet that light was still burning. Even after suffering the biggest crypto loss of my life, that light—which had started burning right after—was still burning, and it was still burning even when I applied for various jobs and was unfairly rejected.
That light was still on throughout the 200+ blog posts I wrote over 1.5 years, it was still on over the 160+ videos still on my YouTube channel and the 100+ videos I had to delete just as they were about to go viral because of YouTube, it was still shining over the 500+ videos I deleted from my Instagram and TikTok accounts; it was still shining even when I was forcibly laid to rest next to a Genie cemetery just because I’m trans; it was still shining even during the moments I pushed myself to survive time and time again. Every time I looked at it, it kept burning, staring right into my eyes. And two weeks ago, it went out. It went out along with the phone I’d had for 1.5 years—the phone I used to manage my blog posts and YouTube channel. I don’t know—maybe something has ended, and maybe it’s just beginning.
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