Month: April 2025
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Left Alone with My Own Darkness
Not a day goes by without the weight inside me growing heavier. A sadness I can’t fully name settles on my chest… Sometimes I’m not even doing anything—just walking down the street or catching my reflection in a shop window… and my eyes begin to fill with tears. Something deep within me can’t take it…
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On the Verge of Leaving Istanbul: A Confession of Fear
On April 17th, I boarded a plane for the first time in my life.The excitement of that moment felt like I was tasting freedom for the very first time.I even shared that experience with you.And what I wrote was read more than any of my other writings.Maybe, for the first time, I had written a…
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The Silent Scream of Accumulated Hatred
There is a growing hatred inside me. Silent, yet burning… A hatred for the land I live in, for the people who stole what was mine, for those who shattered my heart and then wore innocence like a mask. It grows—this hatred—for everyone and everything. Even the last fragments of my will to live are…
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I Tell My Story, Not You
Upon receiving a recent message, I felt the need to clarify certain misunderstandings.This response is not filled with anger, but rather with a firm commitment to truth. Let’s Talk About the Truth First of all, I love flowers, insects, airplanes, and cars immensely.I don’t know where the idea came from that I hate such things…
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I Didn’t Break, I Just Delayed What Needed to Be Said
I’ve stayed silent until now. I’ve been hurt, crushed, excluded—but I stayed silent. Because I believed that one day, every word that needed to be said would find its place. But now it’s no longer time to wait—it’s time to speak. These lines are written in anticipation of something that may very well happen. And…
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Will Anyone Hear My Voice?
I’m writing these words for the days when they will finally mean something. These days, I hate myself the most. There’s no guarantee I’ll even survive, and I don’t know if I truly have the will to live. There’s no desire left in me, and nowhere to go. Life drags me around like trash, tossing…
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My First Flight: The Awakening of a Dream
I’m experiencing the excitement of boarding a plane for the very first time in my life. We set off for the airport in the early hours of the morning. The roads were dark, but it was the perfect moment for dreaming. Inside me, there was a sense of restlessness, curiosity… but above all, the dreams…
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Building My Own Kingdom: Chasing a Dream
All my life, I’ve been searching for meaning. I always felt like something was missing, but I could never quite name it. That was, until the idea of Adriana’s Wings began to take shape in my mind. One morning I woke up and said to myself, “I need to build something that’s mine.” Something that…
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Don’t Give Too Much Meaning to People
There is a truth about life that I’ve come to believe deeply through years of experience: You should never give too much meaning to people. Throughout my life, I’ve met many different people in all kinds of environments—at work, weddings, school, games, and random gatherings. The list could go on endlessly. And yet, there’s one…
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“It Feels Like I’ve Already Lost My Mind… and No One Noticed”
There are so many problems in my life, and I’m tired of pretending like they don’t exist. I no longer want to live as if I’m strong, act like I’m cheerful, or smile like everything’s okay… because nothing is. I need a touch of magic now. Maybe it’s not real… but some part of me…
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The Day I Met the Circus – A Memory from a Forgotten Childhood
I can’t recall the exact date, but I know I was in middle school. It was an experience I had never had before. I remember being filled with curiosity and anticipation. For the first time in my life, I was about to see people I’d never seen, doing things I couldn’t even imagine. I didn’t…
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After a Series Ends
April 11, 2025. 00:05~ “After a Series Ends” The date I started the series March 30, 2025. 2:55 AM. And today April 11, 2025. 00:00. When the final scene of Chilling Adventures of Sabrina froze on my screen, something inside me froze with it.It was over.And once again, I was left alone with the emptiness.…
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Caught Between Two Ends
Sometimes life feels like being trapped between two extremes. One part of me whispers that everything is over,While another part still clings to the will to live.Somewhere deep inside, there’s still a sunny day,And somewhere else, it feels like I’ve lost that sun forever. I close my eyes to reality.Because every time I open them,…
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Crossroads and Rising Hope
Lately, my life has been changing at an odd, unexpected pace.Entangled worries, moments of happiness, uncertainties…But this time, I’m not in a dark spiral—I’m standing in a glowing intersection. In just a few days, I’ll be flying for the first time.Yes—for the first time.It might seem like a regular experience to most people,But to me,…
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The Silence of the Night: A Whisper of Desperation
The Silence of the Night: A Whisper of Desperation April 6. It’s 2:49 AM.I can’t sleep. There’s something heavy in my chest, a weight I can’t seem to lift. Tonight, I sent a message to a friend who’s in a better financial situation than me.Maybe I shouldn’t have. Maybe I should’ve. I honestly don’t know.…
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On the Edge of Infinity
Lately, I’ve been dealing with an unbearable pain in my lower back.I can’t sit properly. I can’t bend without wincing.I can’t even meet my most basic personal needs without struggle.It feels like my body is no longer listening to me—Like it’s slowly giving up, just like my soul already has. I was already exhausted, already…
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“On the Edge of Despair: The Story of a Day and a Lifetime”
It was one of the last days of August 2024. I left home early in the morning for one of my daily jobs, unaware that I was about to experience one of the hardest and most emotional days of my life. This time, I was going to work at a cafe. I would spend the…
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Written from the depths of pain
It’s 2 AM.The most depressive songs echo in my ears through my headphones, and I’m holding an energy drink.But I’m not tired—I’m far beyond tired.I’m emptied out. For days now, there’s been this unbearable pain in my lower back.I can’t bend properly.I can’t sit comfortably.Even meeting my most basic needs has become a struggle.This body…
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The First Time I saw Myself
It was February 2024, I think… The first time I bought women’s clothing for myself. Two skirts, two tops. One skirt looked like something a businesswoman would wear—structured, elegant, confident. The other was red, youthful, the kind of skirt a carefree girl would wear as it twirls. Two different versions of me folded into shopping…
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Letters to a trans woman
The Letters You Sent Transgender woman : My Response from the Silence —I check my inbox every day.Some messages whisper from the darkness.Some cry out in despair.Some are wrapped in love but laced with poison. I read them all.Because this path I walk isn’t just mine—It belongs to every word written with judgment, pain, or…
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